I’m Hiding the Pudding!

Ever have one of those days?

Where the tireless mom tasks go unnoticed? You’re pretty sure no one is aware of half the stuff you do. And any stuff they are noticing is met with disappointment or tears.

I don’t want to go to the grocery store. I don’t want chicken for dinner. Why didn’t you wash my Nike sweatshirt?

Today was one of those days.

In fact, I told myself all day, “You shouldn’t write a post today. You’re feeling resentful toward the family. How are you going to find something positive in that?”

Then I thought maybe that was the point of the blog. My opportunity to turn things around if I just take the time to think about it differently.

But I’m sitting here at my computer, staring at a cup of chocolate pudding, and it’s hard to think of any positive spin. I told myself I couldn’t eat the pudding until I finished my post. Ugh! What’d I do that for?

29 - pudding

This pudding is just one example of feeling unappreciated, even invisible, at times.

I remember the last time I craved chocolate pudding and picked some up at the store. By the time I remembered I had it, it was eaten. I’m pretty sure that was within 24 hours. Did anyone ask if I wanted any? No. Did anyone ask why I had bought it (when typically I don’t)? Nope. They just gobbled it up.

BTW, cooking is not my forte. I dislike the planning, purchasing, and preparing. But the last two weeks, I’ve been trying new recipes – making good meals for the family – where we can sit at the table together and connect after a busy day. I’m 0 for 4 so far. For all my extra effort, I usually hear, “What is that?” before dinner is even finished. And that’s not just from the kids.

And if you’ve read my past posts, you know I try to find ways to be the fun mom. But honestly, I’m the one that’s constantly taking care of stuff, and it never seems like there’s time to just stop for fun. So when my oldest returned home after spending the day doing fun stuff with Dad, and I had missed seeing him, he laid down to watch a movie snuggled on the blanketed living room floor with…you guessed it…Dad.

I know they love me. But one thing after another today made me feel distinctly unloved. And very unappreciated. And sorry for myself. And many times I just wanted to cry.

Do you ever feel this way?

So here’s what I’m telling myself…and you. Hide the pudding!

You deserve it, and by golly, no one is going to go to the store when you have that craving and get some for you. 🙂

Seriously, though, you need to know that all your effort, out of love for your family – well, most of the time, it’s out of love – is seen and noticed. By Him.

Did you know there’s only one person in Scripture to ever name God? It’s Hagar, the maidservant who conceives for Abram and his wife Sarai. She fled after harsh treatment from Sarai’s jealousy. When an angel encourages her, she names God, El Roi, the God who sees. Because she felt truly seen by Him.

He sees us every day.

  • He sees you handle difficulty at work because you missed a day to be with your sick child.
  • He sees you fighting for patience during a bedtime tantrum after 10 hours of work.
  • He sees how badly you want to – but don’t – give up on your consistent discipline with a whining child.
  • He sees you fall into bed after working a full day, running errands, making dinner, emptying the dishwasher, helping with homework, doing a load of laundry, paying bills, and falling asleep during story time.
  • He sees that despite your feelings of self-pity and disappointment, you love your family and will continue to tirelessly be all you can be for them.

     The Lord looks from heaven;
he sees all the sons of men; from
His dwelling place He looks out on
all the inhabitants of the earth, He
who fashions the hearts of them all,
He who understands all their works.
 
                                       Psalm 33:13-15


So when I feel like giving up because no one is noticing all that I’m doing anyway, I can count on my all-seeing savior to notice, even if my family doesn’t. Which means I keep doing it. And I can let go of the resentment, because there is someone who sees me and knows my heart.

But I’m still hiding the pudding. In fact, I may eat two cups tonight. After all, I finished my post. 🙂

 

RECIPE SUCCESS – BTW, if you have any good, family-approved recipes to pass on, let me know. Although I have to warn you. I have NOT been making anything strange. I’m using honestly good recipes from other moms. But they’ve disliked the homemade tomato soup (despite loving the Campbell’s version), chicken & gravy over noodles, chicken with shells & cheese, and ham & potato stew. Seriously. One of them is mac-n-cheese, people! I’ve decided it’s not me. It’s them. 🙂

Finding My Turtle

Dear neighbors, please forgive me.

I drove 35 mph on our street.

Reason? Real underwear and the need to pee.

Not me! My 3-year old. Yes, I visit the bathroom each night after having two kids, but not quite to the Depends yet, people! 🙂

That morning my toddler gave real underwear his first try. I stressed the need to tell me when he felt he had to “go.” Otherwise, we would have a mess. He smiled at how warm and comfy the underwear were compared to Pull-ups.

He was quick to tell me in the car, so we could rush home. And yes, we made it.

But it reminded me that we are constantly rushing.

28 - turtle

Rush to get ready for work/school, rush to make that conference call, rush to pick up my child, rush through a drive-thru for food before swimming, rush to relieve the childcare provider, rush to swim lessons, rush to a convenience store for milk, rush home to shower, do homework, read, and get decent sleep, rush to knock at least one thing of my To-Do list before bed.

Then WISH myself to sleep because I now have insomnia from being on constant overdrive. Ugh!

Time is not my friend. And this is only one day.

I hear other parents commiserate that they have only one free night a week – some not even that. I can’t even imagine. Kids are doing homework in the car going from place to place. McDonalds is making too much money off our busy schedules. Kids are falling asleep on the way home.

I don’t want this to be our life.

Wasn’t it the tortoise that won the race in The Tortoise and the Hare? The point of the story was to be slow and steady, keeping your eyes on the goal, right? I think it’s time to revisit this age-old fable.

Slow and steady – To me, this means we make time for the important things, and we don’t miss the journey along the way. The hare’s speed prevented him from seeing what was around him. How can we appreciate things that matter most if we’re constantly moving? What kind of quality attention can we give our family if we are “on the go” non-stop?

Eyes on the goal – The hare’s arrogance at thinking he could nap prevented him from winning the race. We are not superbeings who can keep up life at this speed forever. How often have we thought our juggling act is going well, only to have life throw us a flame-lit missile to add to it? Might slowing things down help us handle those missiles a bit better? Rather than have my eyes on the objects I’m juggling, I want my eyes on my family.

I’m not saying that busy people are unable to achieve these things. Some people are energized with constant activity. It’s what makes them tick. Nothing wrong with that.

But I don’t see it working for us, and we don’t need to be like the rest of the world.

Sometimes for short durations, we need to be the hare, sprinting to accomplish something important. I get that. But in the long run, I’d like to focus on the slow and steady progress of the turtle. In fact, when life throws rocks my way (and there have been some lately), I need to remember to simply take one step forward each day.

So for us, there will be swim lessons to ensure a life-long, survival knowledge. There will be soccer because it’s the sport my son loves best. There will be church for obvious reasons.

The rest of the nights with the precious little time between school and bedtime will be busy enough with dinner, school functions, social occasions, errands, chores, homework, reading – with as many smiles, laughter, and play as we can fit.

And here are my replacements for other scheduled activities.

  • I want those homemade meals at the table – on a regular basis, to emphasize the need for our family to reconnect after a busy day (not to mention eat healthier) and remember what matters most – each other.
  • I want time to look each child in the eyes – to devote my full attention to what’s on his mind and in his heart, so that he remembers I am always here for him and always listening, and we will make the time for it because each of them is so incredibly valuable to me. The same for hubby.
  • I want my entire family to know what to do with quiet – to have the opportunity to recharge, to discover new things they’re passionate about, to think of others, to pray.
  • I want my kids to cherish the gift of slowing down – and to, hopefully, remember this gift when life throws too much business at them, especially later when they enter the complicated life of adulthood. Why put so much into their schedules now when we have the chance to control it?

And though I don’t know how yet, I will be praying for ways to slow down even further.


     The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps. 
                                       Proverbs 16:9


I want to be that turtle – not missing life as it passes me by like it does the hare who’s racing through. I want my kids to value the journey and not just the finish line. I want to receive a gold medal from my kids for the parent I am. This race of life is the one I want to win at, not the sprints along the way.

Slow and steady it is!

How does your family slow things down? And what are your important things that never slip from the schedule?

IF YOU MISSED LAST WEEK’S POST…YOU REALLY DIDN’T!

For those who regularly read my posts…first, thank you! Second, you may have noticed I skipped a post last week – for the very reason of this week’s post – TIME. When I run into significant time constraints, it may well happen again. I’m sharing my sincerest apologies now for any disappointment if you look forward to the weekly connection and I fail to deliver. But if the blog were to take needed time away from my family, it works against the very reason I started it. I hope you understand. 🙂

I Drive Them Nuts, Too

They drive me nuts.

My family. I love them to pieces, but still…

The noise alone.

Noise is something I never run out of. Motor sounds of all kinds: cars, trucks, motorcycles, trains, scooters, semis, bulldozers. Just to pull you into my world for a second…

Vvrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, shsshshshshshweew, ckck ckck ckckck ckckck crash, vvrrrrrrrrrrrrr, buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh, jeeee jeeee jeee jeee jeee jeee jeee jeee jee, jeeeeeeeeeeeewwww, vvvvvvrrrrrrrrr.

All. Day. Long.

It’s okay if you just skipped that part. These sounds don’t really translate to the English language…or any language. The boys are actually quite talented at these noises. I can recognize that. I just miss the quiet.

I am an introvert. Constant noise and commotion drains us. I can handle it for a while, but eventually I need the quiet to return to sanity and recharge.

When the noise is combined with visual chaos and clutter, it makes it harder.

Since there’s no volume button on the kids, I tackle the clutter.

25 - crazy

Today, I was in cleaning mode again. But I had a good reason. We were celebrating our toddler’s birthday with family, and I was picking up the house for welcoming guests. Making sure they had places to sit.

After the festivities were over, my toddler grabbed his bag of wooden cars from the toy shelf, saying, “Could you stop putting stuff back where I play with them?”

I chuckled. I had to. His very serious comment was so ironic.

It drives ME nuts to constantly pick up his toys…and it drives HIM nuts when I constantly pick up his toys.

That’s when it dawned on me: I drive them nuts, too. 🙂

What may have felt like 15 minutes to my toddler was actually several hours ago. But simply put, he just wanted his stuff left where he last used them.

How many times have I thought the same thing? I buy a roll of invisible tape for when I need it. Like wrapping a birthday present, maybe.

But when I need it, it’s not in the utility drawer. Where I would look. When I need it. Because that’s where it belongs. And I bought it just for these occasions.

Instead, the tape roll is sitting by a car garage finagled out of a cut-up shoe box. The roll is empty.

I set a bill on the kitchen table to remind myself to take care of it when I find two spare minutes. Later, I’m looking everywhere on the table, on the floor, even in the trash. You never know.

Eventually, I discover my husband put it back with the pile of bills in our paper organizer. That wasn’t helpful. Out of sight, out of mind. At least for me. But he has a thing with clutter, too.

While we’re here…let’s be honest. The kids aren’t the only ones who drive us nuts. Some days I wonder if two adults were meant to live together for more than 18 years? 🙂

I’ll just share a little thing that usually tops the list: laundry basket. You’d think this was a simple concept to grasp. Lift the lid, drop dirty clothes in, and the magic laundry fairy does the rest. Pretty simple. So what I can’t understand is why clothes are piled ON TOP of the basket.

Not inside it. On top of it.

On the lid that can no longer be lifted.

It’s often even an empty basket.

Seriously.

Okay, I’m done.

I have no doubt hubby has countless “laundry basket” issues with ME. And apparently my kids get just as frustrated when their stuff is constantly messed with. Even if I am putting it back where it belongs.

Such is life. We are not infallible. We all drive each other nuts sometimes. I have to remember it’s not just me. I do the same to them.


     As it is written: ‘None is righteous [blameless]’,
no, not one. 
                                       Romans 3:10


So my conclusions are:

  • My kids always know where to find tape, and I will never have any as long as they live here.
  • My husband knows where the bills belong, but he has trouble with the laundry basket.
  • If I expect my imperfections to be forgiven, I must learn to forgive theirs.

What’s that recurring thing that sends you to cuckooville? Venting allowed below – I won’t tell!

Love is NOT normal

“Can I tell you something?” my Mom asked last week. Uh oh.

  • [Me: Is it good or bad?]
  • [Her: Good.]
  • [Me: Okay.] Not that I would have stopped her, but I never want to hear bad things, especially from my Mom.
  • [Her: You’ve changed.]
  • [Me: What do you mean?]
  • [Her: Well, I don’t know if it’s from writing your blog, but you’re different.]
  • [Me: In what way?]
  • [Her: You’re…more lighthearted.]

YES!

That was wonderful to hear. That a difference was actually noticeable. Remember, I often describe myself as pretty serious. Well, serious is the opposite of lighthearted, so I’m moving in the right direction, people. Doing my happy dance. 🙂

I’m about to reach six months since starting this blog. I took some time to analyze what it’s all about and why I’m doing it. As a result, I came up with Butterfly Heart Blog’s mission statement.

Butterfly Heart MISSION image

What do you think? Before you answer – and if you’re new to this site – let me explain a bit.

I began this because too often I was losing my patience and raising my voice with the kids. I had become the loudest voice in our home. With two boys who make car engine noises all day (or any noise, really), that was saying something. This left me feeling like a bad mom. I knew I wasn’t a bad mom, but I also knew I could be better. I was ready for a change.

By analyzing myself, I saw some bad habits, personality traits that could be adjusted, and expectations that needed to change. Some small things were not even related to a loud voice, but when improved, they made a difference. I talked to other moms. Yelling happened in their homes, too. And frustration, tempers, regrets. One mom described it as, “Oh, you mean when scary mom shows up.” I was met with knowing smiles and nodding heads. So chalk that up to – I’m normal.

And so are you. I hope other parents who read what I share will recognize their own areas for improvement, and start a change. Or maybe they’ll just empathize with me, and feel better about themselves. That’s good, too. Either way, we’re all going to fail now and then. It’s the continued move forward that will prevent us from falling backward. Once in a while, we may need an extra hand at our backs. Belonging to this parenting circle, we can all support each other with understanding and shared experiences.

You have to admit, there are times when you wonder if your kids are normal. Some days they resemble those little creatures from the Gremlins movie. Sweet and cuddly one second, then destroying your kitchen (or your living room pillows) and growling at you the next. Just know that every parent has been given the gift of tantrums, rolled eyes, and back-talk. Our children are still learning to be the person God made them to be. Aren’t we all? So they’re just as normal as we are.

Despite these actions and reactions being normal, we can turn them into the exception. We can change. When I became a mom, I experienced a deeper love than ever before. Our love for our kids is a strong force to be reckoned with. It is through love that we correct, bless, pray for, have compassion toward, and lead our children to Jesus. God provides the love we need to be faithful parents. I truly believe with His guidance and grace, we can do miraculous things. We can treat our kids like the blessings He gave us.

The well-known verse 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 defines love. It starts with, “Love is patient, love is kind.” Is it any wonder that patient is the first in line?

Parenting with patience is a BIG part of love. But let’s not forget to have patience and love for ourselves, too.

The Bishop of Geneva and honored saint, Francis de Sales, was quoted,

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in
considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them – every day begin the task anew.”

Remember, we’re SO normal. But with love, we can be miraculous. In the middle of any situation, loving our kids is never a wrong choice. In fact, the love our kids give us in return is proof of the miraculous power of love. Despite our failures, they love us just the same.

What do you think? Will you join me with this mission?

Here’s to a new day…and deserving that love!

I Said It First!

“I love you, Mama,” my 8-year old looked up at me.

We were side-by-side on the couch, staying up a little late while summer is coming to a close, for our “special show” time. He’s my partner in crime when it comes to flea market scouting. He has an eagle eye. And we like to critique the creations made on HGTV’s Flea Market Flip.

  • [Me: I love you, too.] I smiled at him.
  • [Him: I said it first!] He looked quite proud.
  • [Me: What do you mean?]
  • [Him: Usually you’re the one who says it first, and then I say, ‘I love you, too.’ But this time, I said it first!]
  • [Me: You’re right. That’s nice that you did that.]
  • [Him: Dad always says it first, too.]
  • [Me: Well, maybe you can beat him next time.]
  • [Him: Yeah!] I could see him planning it already.

23 - give love first

Sometimes I wonder if they truly know how much I love them.

If they remember even at the times my love is not apparent. Like in the middle of my discipline and disappointment with their behavior.

After I yell at them for dangerous stunts near the stone fireplace.

When I’m frustrated at them for ignoring my request…the third time.

When I step on a Lego with my bare foot and I start in on picking up after themselves. You know how much those hurt! Forget walking across a bed of hot coals. Did anyone try walking across a bed of pointy-cornered Lego blocks?

I wonder if they know even then.

What they don’t realize is that the times of discipline are still full of love. Well, maybe not my ranting about the Lego. 🙂

Such a conversation occurred this weekend in the car, after some misbehavior and my older son’s tears at his consequence. Then we heard, “You don’t love me.”

“Woa!” my husband stopped him. “Don’t ever question our love for you. Love doesn’t always mean kisses and hugs and sweet talk. Sometimes love is tough. It’s because we love you that we need to correct your behavior, so that you grow up to be the incredible person we know you are. That’s love, too. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. And there’s nothing you can do that changes how much we love you.”

I think he got it. Or he was just giving us the silent treatment.

Regardless, the couch discussion with my son confirmed much for me. He knows how much I love him. He has recognized that we say it often. Often enough, that we always say it before he does. And that has left a lasting impression. It’s encouraging. It means I’m doing something right, people. 🙂


     Above all, keep loving one another earnestly,
since love covers a multitude of sins. 
                                       1 Peter 4:8


He said it again a couple days later, and again tonight. So proud that he offered it freely, before I said it. I could see his big grin in the faint wash of moonlight from his window.

Now, I’m hearing it come independently from both kids. Even my toddler, all on his own, without prompting. It’s a sweet deal!

It confirms something else for me.

You can never give too much love or give your love too often.

So be free with your words of love. They belong in our children’s ears frequently, so that they find a permanent place in their hearts.

And let’s not forget the sweet reward we get when they say it to us!

Extra: If you’d like to use secret words for when a little extra love is needed, try our family’s secret code: Butterfly Heart.

The One Four One

~ Friends & Family ~ Food & Wine ~ Words about living life in a small town out in the country on The One Four One ~

charmandgrithome.wordpress.com/

Furniture makeovers, vintage treasures, gathering in my "soul shed", and teaching everyday women to DIY.